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- It's Not What You Think...
“I’m never going to get it!”
My kids said that working on algebra and chemistry problems. I’ve said it more than once in my life, too. Much to their amazement with a dash of disappointment and a side of astonishment, algebra “clicked” for my kids and they “got it.”
But, I’m never going to be a Dagomba man from Northern Ghana.
No, it’s not about being white and black. Nor is it about religion and philosophy. Not even the differences in standards of living between Americans and Ghanaians gets in the way. Subtle and nuanced cultural issues are the real problem. Of course, that is compounded by my hearing loss and struggle with language.
None of those things keep Zak and me from being friends.
It’s not what I think about Dagbon, Ghana, or the world that makes us friends or keeps our friendship intact.
It’s not what he thinks about the USA, white people in Ghana, or the AC unit in my office that makes me like or dislike Zak.
It’s not what we think about politics, road conditions, or the latest IMF bailout that feeds our friendship.
Zak and I are friends because we’ve suffered misunderstandings from West African and American “friends” who were not real friends. Both of us had great motives and when life fell apart we tried to hold two worlds and worldviews together. My friendship with Zak is an example of two people who should never have known each other and are bound as best friends.
You need a best friend who is not like you and may not think like you.
Forces pulling the Western Culture towards extremes are overcome by individual relationships and friendships. If politics, religion, or the Chicago Cubs make you anxious and protective, it’s time to talk about those with someone from an opposing point of view. No, not for the sake of changing your mind, but to have a conversation with a person. Not an argument.
You, as a man, are more than what you think; and so is that potential friend who thinks differently than you do.
When you feel the friendship spark with a person who thinks differently than you, pursue the relationship. Yes, it will be hard work. Yes, you will disagree on more than one thing in life. Yes, you will find new things about yourself that are important.