Care Without Expectations

My anger flares when people don’t do what I expect.

I find names for people who drive in weird/dangerous/silly/bad/risky ways. I live in Tamale, Ghana, and found several anger-fueled names in the past 7 years. Attempting to grow up at the age of 48 I’ve realized my anxiety and anger come more from what I expect from other drivers than the real situation.

Reality: Everyone manages to drive and get from Point A to Point B with very, very few incidents. My anxiety and/or anger does not improve or even lessen another person’s safety.

All men (including you) carry their own expectations into friendships. Expectations can be healthy standards, but let’s be honest with each other. Most of the time we get ticked off at a friend when they break some unwritten, unsaid, personal expectation.

Men who are time conscious hate it when “That Guy” is always late. “Too Serious Guy” is challenged to refrain from needless eye-rolls when “Goofy Guy” starts on a 5-minute story about the time he took a road trip with a college buddy.

A man’s most honest care is given when he drops all expectations from his friend.

When you say that hard thing our friend needs to hear and don’t worry about or allow yourself to feel his response: that is good friend care.

Sharing an experience you love, like going fishing, and not letting your friend’s enjoyment or hate take away your motive of generosity: that is good care.

You get the point.

Make the decision to know your expectations and not put them on your friends.