But Your Only BFF is Your Spouse/Partner--You're In Trouble

Hello, Friend!

I was talking with a couple who are friends of our family two years ago about male loneliness and friendship. The wife made a statement I’ll never forget, “I want him to get out of the house and hang out with his friends. He’s happier and when he’s happier, he’s better. And that’s better for me, too.”

This couple has a very good marriage, are empty nesters, and recently retired. But she was letting her husband know at that moment that he had full permission to go out and build friendships with his buddies.

A few studies show us two things that we probably already knew about our married selves:

• Men tend to make new friends within their wives’ social networks rather than expanding their own networks.

• Married men without other BFFs face more stress, anxiety, and loneliness when their marriage is difficult.

Guys, we need to develop a group of BFFs outside of our marriage.

It sounds simple, but it is so, so, so important. Life gets so busy and it is easy to rely on our spouse for more of our identity and needs than any one person can possibly bear.

Take Action

If you are married, talk with your spouse about your need to balance friendship with a group of men.

If you are not married, remember your married friends need to have friends outside their marriage. I know this can be tough for single and widowed men, but don’t give up on your married friends. Young men need to have a plan for keeping and growing friendships after they are married.

That’s it for this week.

I’ll talk with you on Monday.