4 Friendship Styles: Which One Are You?

Dear Friend,

Personality always plays a part in how we operate and understand the world.

Greek mythology is built in large part on personalities agreeing, disagreeing, cooperating, fighting, scheming, overcoming, and acting unjustly. Other forms of polytheism use stories to describe the ways good, bad, shameful, and heroic ways people act.

German psychologists from the University of Heidenburg surveyed over 2,000 people aged 40 - 85 and found four types of friends. People make and keep friends in particular ways, too. Knowing your default mode and that of your friends can help your friendships flourish.

1. Discerning—Few, but long-term, friendships. Harder to make friends later in life.

2. Independent—Few, scattered, opportunity-centered friendships. Selective who they call friends, socially casual with friends emotionally detached.

3. Selectively Acquisitive—Always meeting new people and friendly. Select very few people to be close, long-term friends.

4. Unconditionally Acquisitive—More friends than any other type, but low emotional attachment and few, if any, long-term deep friendships.

Some quick observations from the study:

• The discerning style was the most common.

• Independent style is the least common.

• Education improved the number and types of friendships.

• Poverty and bad health reduce the number and depth of friendships.

Personality studies reveal our core thinking, feelings, and reactions. However, it does not determine what comes next in our life.

How can you grow from your basic friendship type?

What type resonates with you at a gut level? How do you need to challenge yourself to grow as a friend? Do you need more friends? Do you need deeper friendships?

Are your best friends the same or different types than you? How does that make your friendship better…more difficult?

Break out of your friendship type and grow as a man and friend.