2 Ways You Can Fight With Your Friends

My friend, conflict is natural. How you and I manage conflict, well, that is a choice of health.

My friend Musah took his motorcycle to the mechanic for a tune-up. The rings on the pistons needed to be replaced and the mechanic did so. Musah took the motorcycle and started the 10-mile drive home only but had to stop after only a few miles. Why?

The mechanic forgot to add oil to the engine.

You share your life with your friend and naturally, just like the engine, you have friction. We misunderstand each other, have different perspectives, our past wounds pop up, and a host of other human issues cause friendship friction.

Conflict is talking about the friction that is in action. How you choose to go about conflict shows how healthy you are. I’m simple, and there are two basic ways you can deal with conflict.

1. Add Oil—Musah’s mechanic failed to add the oil that all of us know an engine needs and the engine froze in place until it was repaired. Adding oil in conflict means we keep our cool, encourage and honor our friend, state what is true, listen to what is true, and look for a win-win situation.
   

2. Add Gasoline—When you throw gasoline onto a hot surface, it’s possible for it to combust. We add gasoline to a situation by allowing our anger to boil hot, only thinking about our side of the friendship, and trying to win arguments rather than win a friendship.

The mechanic had to replace Musah’s engine block, rings, and pistons then added oil for the motorcycle to operate again. It would have been much easier if he would have just added oil the first time!

Takeaway: Choose to engage in conflict by adding relationship oil rather than gasoline.